Sunday 29 March 2015

The death of iMovie, and its rotting Doppleganger corpse.

Another Post, almost straight away! I'm a workaholic and on fire! I need to build up a back blog! More seriously, my first entry, by way of being an introuction did not get down to the serious business of this blog which, as I see it is providing the kind of trenchant criticism that Apple sorely needs and Steve Jobs pointy-Toed right shoe and acid tongue can no longer deliver. In this world of time servers, second raters and mealy mouthed apologists for timeservers and second raters and their apologists I have decided to regurgitate myself back out of the wodwork and start throwing lumps of wet excrement at worth targets- wittily, hopefully accurately and with the unique and hilarious use of imagery that has seen me making a complete guts of myself at some of the finest court tables in Europe. But while it is unseemly for me to brag of having entertained my way into fine vittles at for example the table of the Marquis DeBerriberri, it would be dishonest to let the reader think that I have not on occasion, entertained myself into a businesslike slap in the face and a pleasant but lonely stroll home, in the wake of the last bus. Such is Journalism, indeed, such is life; The days of journalists being issued their own minisubs in which to escape are long past.

so, too are the days of the apple Mac having a movie editing program that isn't crap. Seriously, I was watching one of the last Keynotes with Steve Jobs,-there were already rumours that he was sick, but everyone was simultaneously hoping they were wrong and dutifully trying to keep the stock prices up by keeping a stiff upper lip, and- Lo and BeholdSteve says one of the worker droids at Apple buttonholes him and says "Steve; You know how we say noob can make a movie in iMovie in 5minutes?" And
Steve "Yes
Droid"Well, you can't! You try!"
Steve "And you know what? I couldn't!"
(Cue shocked audience laughter)
And there I am, laptop on my lap, mouth open in stupefaction"WTF?!" You see, the day before, sitting in that very chair with the same 12" Powerbook 867mhz on my lap I had used a program of dubious provenance to filch two videos of car crash tests onto my hard drive; I'd cut them into shorter pieces, rearranged them, added credits and music and come up with, as far as I was concerned, a very creditable mashup. Fair enough, from nothing to being on Youtube had taken 33 minutes, but so what? by the time I saw that keynote 12 hours later, it had gathered 7000 views, and as far as I was concerned that worker droid (if he actually existed) was as liar or an intercourse-wit. What was the result of this? Apple wasted resources second-guessing itself on the say so of one Grima WormtongueAnd one perfectly good an functional iMovie got replaced with a horrible directionless Frankenstein- monster abortion that to this day, years down the track I can't get any senseof, or useable output from. I'm probably going to have to buy final cut-I'd like to slap that droid with a fead eel.
 but, all things being equal, the video (at) will have to stand as my testicle-ment of how much I still hate that useless nitwit.

"Well, HAL, I can definitely find things wrong with it"

well people, here  is Alex Rieneck, back to quacking on about Apple Macs again, this time for wages even more paltry than those doled out by Auatralian MacWorld (being a columist pays well enough, but not *that* well, when you take the general wonderfulness of the recipient into account. Different to is that in this blog I am my own boss and not bearing the vast weight of an inert management structure on my shoulders in this blog, (which gets its name(AE-35) from a piece of technology in Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey"I'll be keeping myself to the same strict guidelines I did back then, for the simple reason that good writers like discipline like word counts, correct spellings and grammar, a minimum of off-colour humour and language, sticking to the subject in hand, and perhaps most importantly, having an appreciative readerhip.Now back at macworld the readership were appreciative. Sadly the ones in the wheelhouse should have paid more attention to driving and less to appreciating what they were reading.Still, who would have expected an iceberg in the balmy south Pacific? Especially a cunningly camouflagued concrete one with a missile silo inside with hundreds of minions to protect the fiendish plot that had been explained only the chapter before?
Certainly not James Bond, that's for sure!And sadly, in 2015 not Steve Jobs either; because he got unexpectedly dead just before the last ad-break; one second he was jumping and ducking through a hail of missiles fired by the deadly Mr Cancer- bouncing up off one of the circular-saw blade onesand getting off his own paltry shot. The crowd was with him! Mr Cancer's health bar was creeping down towards the orange!the Samsung creatures seemed to have been vanquished! and suddenly Steves' sprite was replaced by a badly- animated explosion sprite, that shrank to a single white pixel, and went out. The screen was as dark as the interiors of the shocked mouths that hung open around the world. Slowly the screen filled with bright, false colour, swelling music. An advertisement for herbal tea. Was the Show over? The sewage flow meters emotionlesslessly reported the increase of Herbal tea content in the pipes, and the rest of us were left to muck on in the aftermath. this blog is for the last scarred remnants of the post jobsian wasteland, where everyone can tell those big scarey creatures *Aren't * just dressed up water buffaloes and the Samsung Creatures have shiny white teeth and really do eat peoples brains.